After hours and hours of sitting here through this evening turned morning, I come to the conclusion that I will write something. I’ve dipped my spoon into this gigantic Nutella jar…a lot. Let’s just say that I’ve far exceeded the suggested two tablespoons. Listening to my favourite worship music and catching up on my frequented blogs have sparked discussions. These conversations between God and myself are good and will eventually evolve into great. They are a progression. I start off searching for the depths of Him, but am reserved.
And the progression isn’t steady, for sometimes I falter and backtrack in this process. I repeat the same conversation and ask the same questions…about my past, present, future. I doubt Him.
I press in more, it’s all I can do.
And then at some point, there’s absolutely no holding back. There is nothing that can keep me from experiencing all He has to offer…whatever that looks like. His presence is so true that the enemy can’t stand a chance with any jabs at my mind.
I want to jump. I want to burst into song. But it’s 4:00 in the morning and my parents treasure their sleep.
And that’s all I can write on…
His ever-present goodness despite my oftentimes terrible disposition.
I’m the messiest of people.
And He loves me so incredibly much.
I’ve been blessed to have known this Love all my life.
And every time I think I’ve hit a new depth, He takes me further into this wondrous yearning.
Words can’t describe and I don’t expect them to ever do so.
What words can match the Greatest, the One thing that exists?
When I speak of this Existence, it ceases to be enough to portray. Who can fathom His existence? He has been forever. Five-year-old Sophie asks me constantly, “Who made God?” I am humbled to be able to take a long shot at an explanation.
It’s beautiful. It’s knowing that in the grand scheme of things, I really don’t matter. It takes a weight off my shoulders because it diminishes the worries of earth.
But I do matter. I matter more than I can possibly understand because He adores me more than anyone will ever take a liking to my beautifully distorted life.
I could ramble on but my words are meaningless in comparison to His majesty. Even so, He says that He loves my words.
In the midst of all my jumbled, sleepy-eyed thoughts, I have some last meanderings. It is my prayer that you and I will meet Him there, wherever there might be. That we would search…and search with persistent fervor. May we remember that He knows no end. He proves Himself faithful. He shows His glory.
“Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, You’re there!
If I go underground, You’re there!
If I flew on morning’s wings
to the far western horizon,
You’d find me in a minute—
You’re already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, “Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I’m immersed in the light!”
It’s a fact: darkness isn’t dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they’re all the same to you.”
May we be new in Him yet again. Jesus.
….in His presence, there is FULLNESS of joy!